Note: Our thoughts are influenced by the people we meet, the books we read and the situations we face. The idea I presented here was deeply influenced by Osho, Ram Gopal Verma and a story I read recently in a Telugu Magazine.
4 A.M.... Somewhere in Andhra Pradesh….
Ravi Shankar Sharma was a 50 years old, respected pujari in his village. Everyone in the village knew him and respected him. Villagers used to come to him for advice on pujas that should be performed to get what they wanted.
Ravi Shankar was alone in his house and was thinking about it seriously that night, he couldn’t sleep. He woke up, took bath in cold water. He was totally consumed by what he has planned to do that day. He was ready to go to the temple. He stood in front of the two frames hanging on the wall. One with the photo of his wife and the other with his daughter’s. He collected the flowers from the plants in front of his house and arranged them on the frames. He lighted the incense sticks and placed them in front of the frames. He stared at the photos for some time. All his memories with them in that house flashed before him. He could see his wife cooking in the kitchen and his daughter studying the corner of the room. The more he tried to forget them the more he thought about them. A man’s past keeps on increasing even when his future has come to a full stop. He controlled his tears. He kept a bottle in a cover and carried it with him. That day he did not do any puja in his house like he used to do daily.
5 AM. It was dark outside and there was no one the road except few stray mongrels. Being winter it was very cold but Ravi Shankar dint feel anything, he was lost in his own world. Temple was just 10 mins away from his house. As it was very early in d morning there was no one in the temple, just a mad beggar outside. Ravi Shankar stood before the temple, hesitated to remove his chappals, as he dint understand why he should still respect the God who has made his life worse. He glanced at the mad person thinking even the life of that mad person was better than his. He unlocked the gates and went inside. He went near the idol. Gazed at the idol for some time and then checked his cover to ensure whether he brought the bottle…yes it was there…the poison bottle was there!!. He began chanting mantras for the last time in his life before dying. But he stopped. He has spent most of his life in temple but still his life was miserable. He couldn’t control and started abusing God. He felt God was the reason for all his troubles. He was very sincere in his prayers but still God dint bless him.
Ravi Shankar’s wife Vara Lakshmi, died while giving birth to a girl, who later was named as Sarojini. Ravi Shankar liked his daughter a lot. He kept her in his relative’s house in the town; as the village where he was living in doesn't have any good school. He struggled to save money for her education. She completed her degree. Ravi Shankar has spent what all he got in the temple on her education. Later Sarojini joined in a job in the same town. There she fell in love with a guy, who was a Muslim. She did not tell this to her father for many days but finally she dared and revealed it. She pleaded her father to agree to her marriage but he couldn’t digest the fact. Ravi Shankar dint accept his daughter's interest as he believed that inter-caste marriage is a sin. He couldn’t imagine his position in front of his relatives and villagers if they came to know about his daughter’s love, that too with a person from another caste. Sarojini can neither go away with her love nor agree to the person her father selected. She has spent many days crying alone. Finally she decided that death is the only solution and committed suicide. Ravi Shankar was depressed and moreover because of the financial troubles, it became difficult even to have meal once in a day. He lived on the ‘prasad’ offered by villagers in the temple. After few depressing years even he decided that there is no point in living anymore.
Ravi Shankar cursed the God in all the ways he can. He was satisfied, as he said what all he wanted to. He turned back to get out of the temple and do what he was thinking all the time for few days…to Die!!
Just when he was about to walk away he heard someone calling him by name “Ravi Shankar Sharma”
Ravi Shankar was surprised and turned back to see who it might be.
There was no one.
He thought it was just his illusion.
But again the same voice…“U dint recognize me?”
Ravi Shankar couldn’t guess from where the voice was coming…
“It’s me...” the voice came from idol.
Ravi Shankar went close to the idol.
It started raining outside.
Ravi Shankar couldn’t believe that it was God himself talking to him. Even though there was no one around he was not sure it was God…he stared at the idol and said…
“God is that really u? I can’t believe it” asked Ravi Shankar
“That’s up to you to believe or not ...I am not here to prove that” replied God.
Ravi Shankar was flabbergasted.
“God u came to stop me from committing suicide? To bless me? To throw a ray of happiness into my life finally? ” asked Ravi Shankar…there was no limit to his happiness.
“Ravi Shankar, I did not come here to stop u …u r free to do whatever u want…its your life not mine I don’t control someone’s life”
Ravi Shankar was shocked. God did not want to stop him!!! what does that mean ??He did not know what to say.
“Then what is the reason for blessing me today with your presence?” asked Ravi Shankar, after being silent for about 10 seconds.
“Till now u cursed that I am of no use to anyone and suddenly my presence was a blessing to u?” questioned God.
Ravi Shankar did not reply.
“I have been seeing what you are doing and thinking…Now I came here to ask u…what exactly made u feel that I am the reason for your present situation?” said God.
“God…you have taken away my daughter, who is my only relation left after my wife’s death and even though I have been praying u, it is difficult for me to get even a meal everyday…and most of the rich people rarely come to temple and bow u . But you are blessing them with all the riches. I am at your feet since my birth….is this fair to u?” finally Ravi Shankar vomited his feelings.
“How am I the reason for your daughter’s suicide….u r the reason for that!! Your ‘bloody caste feeling’ is the reason for that!! ...why are u blaming me?...u have a choice of accepting your daughter’s love but u dint and your daughter has a choice of running away or agreeing for arranged marriage but she choose to die…so in a way the reasons are your choice and her choice…but not me” answered God.
You are the reason for your daughter’s death…Ravi Shankar felt like a hot rod went through his head, tearing all the muscles, nerves and came down through his feet.
“God, how can u say ‘bloody caste feelings’...how can a Brahmin girl get married to other caste guy?”
“Why not?? Y do u consider yourself superior?”
“God, we are the mediators between you and other people…how can u degrade us with such a qxn?” said Ravi Shankar with a hint of ego about his caste.
“I dint employ any particular set of people as mediators...how can u claim it by yourself. What made you sure that your offerings reach me?? What made u think that I don’t listen to others words?? Why only through u??” asked God diverting from the initial question by Ravi Shankar about God’s responsibility for his misery to why he considered his caste as superior.
“From our great grand fathers we are in this field of serving u…we carry people’s wishes to u and we balance people’s sins with their offerings to u and…” Ravi Shankar answered incompletely as he was not sure whether what he was saying matched what God was asking him.
“Oh is it?…then now I am clarifying to u…everyone is equal to me…I gave everyone the same blood and flesh…I don’t have any untouchable feeling like u human beings have…everyone is my creation…I am indifferent to castes n religion differences…there is no muslim/Christian/hindu or anything else according to me” replied God pleasantly.
Ravi Shankar couldn’t believe what he has just heard. So does it mean he is just the same as those who sweep the roads and everyone else whom he thought all these days to be of lower caste people, inferior to him and untouchables?
“First tell me how did you knew that I am listening to u??” asked God.
“God, U are the creator. We have faith in you. It is your responsibility to take care of us and listen to our sufferings” replied Ravi Shankar firmly.
“I agree that I am the creator but I am not responsible for what all you do… I don’t react to ur prayers ...I just listen...I listen to everyone & wherever you are…no need to come to temples or churches. It is useless to have faith in me. It is this faith that is blinding you. It is this faith that is what many are exploiting for their own benefits. Have faith in the hard work you do, not in me.” replied God.
“What!! You are not responsible ?? and u don’t react !!??” Ravi Shankar almost shouted.
“Yes Ravi Shankar. I only create. I don’t control. I don’t help anyone and also I don’t destroy anyone. And I am now even done with creation job…its u human beings who are continuing your race and not me” replied God calmly.
“So you are not responsible for all the wars going on and the natural disasters that are taking place??” asked Ravi Shankar.
“It is u people who divided earth in the name of nations and fought with each other to get control over other nations. Nation is nothing Ravi Shankar…it is just a word…individuals should not be sacrificed for nations…but u human beings are doing it. Why are u fighting with each other…it is just because of your greediness. The lines that u have drawn on the map are not there anywhere on the Earth when I created. They are just your game. But fighting over those lines that you have drawn on the map, millions of people have died- real people dying for unreal lines. And you make them heroes, national heroes!! No other animal I created wants to dominate each other…it is there only with human beings, only you want to control other human beings and try to be like Gods to the others. I dint create this mentality it is u people who have developed that” said God
Ravi Shankar was realizing what he was learning today was contradictory to what he has been learning since his birth…but he was sure what he was learning now was the TRUTH, as it was by the God himself.
“It is you people who are destroying the nature I gave you. The major disasters that happened were because of your careless attitude towards nature. You should be concerned about environment around. Otherwise you will face the consequences.” said God.
“So you mean we should not give importance to our nation?” asked Ravi Shankar.
“There is no problem in giving importance to nation. But it is useless if cannot love the people in your nation. You should love the people first otherwise how can you love the nation?? Nation is nothing without the population in it. Giving importance to the nation comes secondary…there is no problem with it…but it shouldn’t be so obsessive that it leads to wars and deaths of many.” replied God removing the doubts of Ravi Shankar.
“What are your responsibilities if not taking care after us?” asked Ravi Shankar.
“Nothing” replied God immediately.
“Nothing??” Ravi Shankar asked surprisingly.
“Yes…nothing...I don’t have any responsibility over whatever happen here…If looking after the welfare of the human beings is my duty and if at all I control human beings, why will there be any terrorists at all ...why will there be these many sad people around. I wouldn’t have created them at all if I knew that they will turn into these?? I don’t have any responsibilities …it is you people who have responsibilities. I have just created people, later it was your decisions that define what u become. I created this universe and few species in it. I created few and u multiplied by yourselves.”
“God how can u say u don’t create differences in people?? a person born in a rich family is definitely lucky compared to born in poor family. So u do create difference…” Ravi Shankar asked…he is not ready to accept that what all he believed all these years was just a myth.
“Ravi Shankar to explain what you asked for, do what I say, there is a beggar outside the temple just go and take the bag from him and see what is in it” God replied
“God, he is a mad man…what if he beats me?” questioned Ravi Shankar.
“U said u believed me since your birth...cant u do this, with belief on me?” replied God.
Ravi Shankar silently went to the mad person, who was holding a bag close to him as if it was full of money. Ravi Shankar pulled the bag from him. Beggar resisted. Finally Ravi Shankar succeeded and opened it…to his surprise, there was nothing but waste papers in it!! He came back in to the temple.
“God there was nothing in his bag…it is just waste” said Ravi Shankar, not sure why God asked him to do that.
“It is waste to u ...but relative to him that waste is everything...he wont to give it away.” said God and continued…
“In the same way the most-important things like wealth, religion, etc for u, are useless according to me...I dint create them…it was you people who created all that and the differences between people in the name of caste religion and wealth. I created everyone with same ability to achieve whatever they want to.” said God.
“Whatever we want?? u wrote the lines on our forehead which decides our fate right ? Then,
how can you say we are free to do and become whatever we want?” asked Ravi Shankar.
“I dint fix any fate to anyone….it was just your myth...I am not responsible for your myths
Ravi Shankar….ask the people who started them…” replied God.
“God can u please explain me how everyone one of us is free? I did not understand…aren’t we bound to fate?” asked Ravi Shankar surprisingly.
“Please raise one of ur legs from ground” asked God.
Ravi Shankar lifted his right leg and stood there balancing on left.
“Now lift the other one too” said God.
Ravi Shankar did not understand what God means by this. How can he lift both his legs!!
“God how can I lift the other one? It is not possible” said Ravi Shankar
“Now the answer for what u asked about freedom lies in what u did just now” said God.
Ravi Shankar looked confused. He was still balancing on his left leg.
“When I asked u to lift one leg I did not say which one to…u r free to choose between right or left. But once u have made your choice, u are bound to some limitations…that is what I mean when I say human beings are free to do whatever you want” said God and continued….
“U are free to make the choice..but once made…u will have contraints and will have to face the consequences of the choice u made…u cannot escape that…so u have to make ur choice wisely” said God.
Ravi Shankar was listening.
“When ur daughter came to u, u had the choice of accepting her interest or rejecting. You have chosen the later. You gave importance to what other might think about your daughter's love marriage. Hence u faced the consequences. Remember Ravi Shankar, the moment u think about what others will think about what u think, you cannot think anymore. With your knowledge u can become a teacher or a pujari. U picked the later and hence u faced whatever happened. It’s the same case with your daughter…she had chosen to end her life instead to fight back. Life is just a matter of choices Ravi Shankar. And u haven't picked the right one.”
Ravi Shankar controlled his tears and asked “God, so u mean, I am responsible for my daughter’s death?”
“Yes…but not literally...it is the caste system u people believe in and the differences because of it. This is the reason for many deaths. U dint start this...u r just a victim. There are many people who fall into this trap. It is not right to sacrifice individual’s interests in the name of religion” said God.
Ravi Shankar felt like he has a swallowed a burning coal.
“God then who will serve u if there is no particular caste people to do the job?” RaviShankar asked, he was getting more doubts.
“Ravi Shankar…first tell me why should someone spend their entire life in the name of God, praying in temples, churches or any other place on earth where u made idols in different forms and believe I am in those shapes?? It is just foolishness.” said God.
“God I don’t know about other religions but we Hindus believe and we were taught that it was lucky and a privilege to serve u in temples”
“Oh now comes the religion differences?? Ravi Shankar…I want to clarify one thing…I don’t have any particular shape and I don’t have 3.something crore forms as you people believe in. There is just one God and it is me”
“God now please don’t say every God is same and there is no difference in praying in Temple or in Church or in Mosque…I cannot bear it” said Ravi Shankar with a pain and anger in his voice.
“Ravi Shankar…you people will tolerate everything...corruption, pollution, lack of schools, potholed roads, unhygienic water...everything...but say something against a man’s religion you will surely see an explosion. Live for yourself and not for the religion. And there is no use in praying me. That is not for what I created u. Am I a fool to create people who in turn pray me and spend their lives in temples, churches, masjids, etc without realizing their true potential ?? Definitely No!! By doing the things for which I dint create u, how can u even think I will bless u in return? I am telling u again…I will not make any difference in ur lives…its just ur choices that make u a prime minister or terrorist or a father in a church or a businessman…it is just your choices” said God and continued…
“Every myth related to God i.e. me and religions/castes is created for benefit of few people. Right now, politicians are using it to bank votes… caste differences, religions, 3.something crore Gods...everything is a myth Ravi Shankar…and most of the people are not realizing it…and there are few who are against the concept of God… I don’t mind that. It is not a problem if someone is an atheist…it only creates troubles if someone totally believes in the concept of different Gods and religions. The question is not whether to pray God and where to. The question is why to??" said God and continued...
“The truth is I do exist as a supreme power to everything, there is only one God and I just create but do not control ur lives…thank me for creating u…it doesn’t matter… but don’t fight among yourselves in the name of God or spend your entire lives performing prayers…it is useless” said God.
“Then why is everyone praying u...fighting for u ? Why dint anyone of them knew this before that it praying you doesn’t make any difference to our lives?”
“Because you were programmed that way. You were programmed that you will go to hell if u go against the name of God. But as far as I know there are nothing like Heaven and Hell. If u have avoided women and liquor and do good things on Earth, u will come to heaven and there I will arrange beautiful women like ramba urvasi,etc and good liquor to you as you dint taste these on earth ?? And if u don’t do good deeds I will punish you in Hell or in next life?? U are a fool to believe this shit. If at all I have to punish you for the mistakes you commit, I am sensible enough to punish you immediately so that you won’t repeat them. But not in your next life or after your death. I don’t give anything to those who do good deeds nor punish who commit sins. Most of you pray to me to get something in return or in fear that u will go to hell if u dint. This, your nature to expect something without working hard for it, is being exploited by many people. There are many who call themselves as God or messenger from God and you people foolishly treat them as Gods. There is no God among you. No other person can influence what you have to get. Only you can change it.” said God and continued….
“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in traditions simply because they have been handed down for manygenerations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it." said God.
“So you are saying…I have wasted my entire life in temple? and all those in the jobs of performing prayers and those who are fighting for their religions are just wasting their lives??” Ravi Shankar asked hoping a no as reply…he couldn’t digest a yes.
“Yes…u r absolutely right. Finally you are on the right track” replied God.
Ravi Shankar felt dying was a better option than to know he has wasted 50 years of his life.
“I know what u are thinking…this is not the end yet…u still have some time…don’t think about what had happened…think what u can do with the immense knowledge u have…u can still do something useful…just make right choices and to die is definitely a choice of coward…anyways it is up to u” said God.
“I came here as I was frustrated with the things going on here in the name of God. And other wars in the name of religion and nation. It is your foolishness to sacrifice people in the name of collectivism and then blame me for what all you did” said God.
“God, u just said I have wasted all these years and still your are saying committing suicide is a foolish idea. What else can I do at this age?? I can’t learn anything new now to get a new job. Please help me” asked Ravi Shankar expecting some advice.
“Your education is enough to do whatever you want…think what productive work u can do with your knowledge…leave aside the differences in the people. Live life in such a way that u will be remembered even after your death.” said God.
Ravi Shankar stood there silently.
“I think the purpose of my visit to this place was fulfilled. I told u want I have to. Now... don’t blame me for anything that happens. It’s just your choices. U are free to become whatever u want…” said God and continued…
“What all I said to you is not just for you…it is applied to each and everyone. Please don’t sacrifice yourselves in the name of something. I created you to live but not to sacrifice for something useless. I hope you take wise decisions at least from now. Do something that is inborn and not something induced” concluded God and he went away.
Ravi Shankar forgot all his troubles and stood there happily as God came to talk to him. He was still confused. It was around 6:30 by then. He came out of the temple. He was still in a trance state. He wore his chappals, first to his left foot then to his right. The cover he brought was still with him. He opened it. Took out the poison bottle and threw it onto the wall.
The bottle was broken into pieces…just like his conventional beliefs.
Ravi Shankar was back on his way to his home. It was still cold outside. Women were busy sweeping the areas in front of their houses. The villagers bowed to him as they passed him. But Ravi Shankar was lost in his thoughts. The truth that he was not bound to or not controlled by anyone is slowly turning his confusion into confidence. He reached his house. He went inside and sat on his arm chair. He folded his hands. Leaned back rising his head towards ceiling. He sat like that for a sometime. He recollected what all God has said and tried to absorb them. He realized unlearning is more important and difficult than learning.
‘Life is just a matter of choices. You can become whatever you want’ his inner voice repeated.
